Monday, December 1, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
Breathing
**Sorry, the following is not jewelry related. But it is part of my life, along with my creations.**
My heart is heavy. It is said that every 41 seconds, a person is notified that their loved one has taken their life. On March 23rd, I was one of those people. I am an official statistic. My father took his life. Just like that, I'm fatherless. My sister and I no longer have a Dad. What led him to do this? I will never know.
By now weeks have passed and the wound is still fresh. Two Saturdays ago we celebrated his life in a bittersweet ceremony in McKinley Park. It's a complete whirlwind to me. I saw many familiar faces that greeted me with love and affection. I can't even remember what was said. All I can remember is a hundred hugs, hugs that try to express love and sadness, and words that cope to find meaning. I am grateful for these hugs, but they can't give me the one hug I long to have.
I saw my Dad for the last time the week before it happened. He came to pick up his mail. We chatted for a short while, then he was out the door. His last words to me were "I'll see you later, Mija" as he waved goodbye. That was all. Short and sweet. He seemed to be in a good mood. But what do I know?
I don't know his inner struggles or demons he was coping with.
My head keeps buzzing. Each time I sit and try to comprehend my Dad, my entire head buzzes. From the back of my head to the front electrons are firing, trying to make sense of it all. I can remember hearing the words "Your dad shot himself", understanding what those words mean, yet still not making sense. It's out of my grasp. I can't make it tactile. As an artist (of sorts), I like to feel things with my hands to get a better understanding. Many times I use my eyes to get up close to a painting or sculpture (especially at a gallery or museum when I can not use my hands) to see the brush strokes or indentations another artist poured into a piece of work. I have not been able to touch, see or feel my father to make this real. Sure, I've sorted through his belongings. Hugged his sweater, worn his rings. But I haven't touched or seen this end result to make it real. Not that I would really want to...I've already been traumatized enough. The closest I've gotten is to the police report. To read the encapsulated, vivid picture written by a police officer. That, and the box that now house his remains.
And my head keeps buzzing. I listen to the music he shared with me. Nights he allowed us girls to stay up late so that he could share songs and the stories and years associated with them. Concerts we went to together. I've scoured hundreds of photographs looking at his face - deep into his eyes. Attempting to manifest his being into reality.
As someone who has fallen away from the church, I was surprised to find myself in the church I grew up attending, begging and pleading for answers. For strength and guidance to lead me through. Searching for an understanding.
I've talked to friends and family. Being comforted by some and annoyed by others. I've taken walks with some, meals with others. I found myself kissing an old friend for hours. That eased the pain for a couple days. I even went on a trip to the coast with another friend, which was a fantastic source to replenish the internal batteries that had been drained! I actually have started to feel more like myself since last weeks trip. Then I suddenly found myself feeling guilty for finally starting to feel better. In all my reading, it is a common affliction that happens to people who are grieving and mourning. I've tried to knock this guilt out of my being, and found myself actually writing these words in front of me right now.
I know this is all a journey. Sometimes it's hard to believe that the world keeps spinning. At times it forces me to move, reluctantly. So I keep breathing and crying and listening to songs to make me feel "better".
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I say these words, not from a religious standpoint, but as a mantra to get through the unbearable moments that are sometimes longer than others. Breathe.
My heart is heavy. It is said that every 41 seconds, a person is notified that their loved one has taken their life. On March 23rd, I was one of those people. I am an official statistic. My father took his life. Just like that, I'm fatherless. My sister and I no longer have a Dad. What led him to do this? I will never know.
By now weeks have passed and the wound is still fresh. Two Saturdays ago we celebrated his life in a bittersweet ceremony in McKinley Park. It's a complete whirlwind to me. I saw many familiar faces that greeted me with love and affection. I can't even remember what was said. All I can remember is a hundred hugs, hugs that try to express love and sadness, and words that cope to find meaning. I am grateful for these hugs, but they can't give me the one hug I long to have.
I saw my Dad for the last time the week before it happened. He came to pick up his mail. We chatted for a short while, then he was out the door. His last words to me were "I'll see you later, Mija" as he waved goodbye. That was all. Short and sweet. He seemed to be in a good mood. But what do I know?
I don't know his inner struggles or demons he was coping with.
My head keeps buzzing. Each time I sit and try to comprehend my Dad, my entire head buzzes. From the back of my head to the front electrons are firing, trying to make sense of it all. I can remember hearing the words "Your dad shot himself", understanding what those words mean, yet still not making sense. It's out of my grasp. I can't make it tactile. As an artist (of sorts), I like to feel things with my hands to get a better understanding. Many times I use my eyes to get up close to a painting or sculpture (especially at a gallery or museum when I can not use my hands) to see the brush strokes or indentations another artist poured into a piece of work. I have not been able to touch, see or feel my father to make this real. Sure, I've sorted through his belongings. Hugged his sweater, worn his rings. But I haven't touched or seen this end result to make it real. Not that I would really want to...I've already been traumatized enough. The closest I've gotten is to the police report. To read the encapsulated, vivid picture written by a police officer. That, and the box that now house his remains.
And my head keeps buzzing. I listen to the music he shared with me. Nights he allowed us girls to stay up late so that he could share songs and the stories and years associated with them. Concerts we went to together. I've scoured hundreds of photographs looking at his face - deep into his eyes. Attempting to manifest his being into reality.
As someone who has fallen away from the church, I was surprised to find myself in the church I grew up attending, begging and pleading for answers. For strength and guidance to lead me through. Searching for an understanding.
I've talked to friends and family. Being comforted by some and annoyed by others. I've taken walks with some, meals with others. I found myself kissing an old friend for hours. That eased the pain for a couple days. I even went on a trip to the coast with another friend, which was a fantastic source to replenish the internal batteries that had been drained! I actually have started to feel more like myself since last weeks trip. Then I suddenly found myself feeling guilty for finally starting to feel better. In all my reading, it is a common affliction that happens to people who are grieving and mourning. I've tried to knock this guilt out of my being, and found myself actually writing these words in front of me right now.
I know this is all a journey. Sometimes it's hard to believe that the world keeps spinning. At times it forces me to move, reluctantly. So I keep breathing and crying and listening to songs to make me feel "better".
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I say these words, not from a religious standpoint, but as a mantra to get through the unbearable moments that are sometimes longer than others. Breathe.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Sacramento Second Saturday Art Walk
(From fellow artist, Jared Konopitski)
Welcome to the 2nd Saturday of the month here in Sacramento. And that means it is time again to get your eyeballs their regular dose of local art! A ton of stuff happening this time around. Here are just a few the highlights:
1. First check out the group show "Point of No Return" at the FE Gallery. I will have a few pieces in this one along with some amazing artists. Truly a not to be missed show! Check out the details here:https://www.facebook.com/events/527432257370455/
2. Jill Allyn Stafford will have her amazing art work up at the grand opening of Remax Gold in Midtown. Also, you can find her and her work at the Rio Mid Town Jam 2014 benefiting Weave's clothing drive. Eben E. Burgoon and many other creatives will be there as well! Check it out here:http://www.weaveinc.org/event/rio-mid-town-jam-2014
3. Catch the always fun Art of Toys art show with the Story Book Show!! Featuring the work of Cinder and Rain`s Embellishments! Gonna be magical: https://www.facebook.com/events/774959065848741/
4. The delightfully awesome work of Sarah Marie will be on display at Gallery 2110 with a whole other complex of great artists!https://www.facebook.com/events/623876037681994/
5. The Temp is hosting some amazing Asmat Art presented by Steve C. Chiaramonte as well as amazing brand new work by Raphael Delgado:https://www.facebook.com/events/240556919401249/
6. The Blackbird Kitchen is back and having a pop up gallery show with artists Jim Sheppard, Waylon Horner, and many more!!https://www.facebook.com/events/236699563202500/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming
7. Gabe will be having a show of his very wonderfully detailed work at the Body Tribe. Plus, their will be an entire art installation of concept art called Bottle Baseball, come check it out to find out more:https://www.facebook.com/events/1408205192783327/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming
8. The Denim Spot will be hosting two amazing talents Jason Thorpe and Nu!! Fantastic illustration that will make your eyes smile:https://www.facebook.com/events/1491912854364696/?ref=2&ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming
9. Dragatomi will have their usual art show of awesome!! With the "Five Eyed Dragon II" show!! Not to be missed! http://dragatomi.com/
10. The folks over at Sideshow Studios will be having a showcase of their amazing talent at Spanish Fly with loads of eye candy!!http://www.flygarage.com/
And if you happen to find yourself outside of Sacramento in the bay area, be sure to stop by Psycho Donuts in Campbell California for one amazing Bigfoot themed show, that I will also be in:https://www.facebook.com/events/234469683407575/?ref=br_tf
Whew! That was a lot! Okay, now get out there and get some art in your eye!!!
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Storybook Opening TONIGHT!!
|
|
Tonight at 1126 18th Street Sacramento, CA gallery space! Featuring Lorrain Garcia's jewelry from Alice to Oz, a few special Chris Cinder paintings and contemporary pop up books from the collection of Maria Winkler. All the pop up books are $10 so don't miss out! There will be refreshments and fun from 6-8. 2nd SATURDAY ARTWALK- from 5:00 till dark Artie Annette will have pop up book project...come back a popup! May will be ROBOTS! |
Monday, April 7, 2014
Storybook Show!
This Thursday, Art of Toys will be hosing the opening of their Storybook Show!
My Almost Alice & Ruby Slippers Collections will be there!!
Hope to see you at the opening!
FYI, the collections will be there all month, but please come out to support local art!!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Alice's Adventures
My Almost Alice Collection will be in Anaheim at A Little Known Shop for their Alice's Adventures Show on April 5th & 6th!!
Monday, March 3, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Whedonverse Purses
I've been cutting up a fabric storm making some fun purses for Across the Whedonverse! Check out some of the un-assembled goodness:
Buffy/Angel, Firefly/Serenity, Dollhouse
A bag for a Browncoat!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Whedonverse Projects
These are just a few of the projects I've been working on this week to prepare for the Across the Whedonverse Show next month!
Claddagh Button Leather Bracelet
Making some Joss Zine Swag
Pendant Assembly
(Buffy, Firefly/Serenity, Fray)
I <3 font="" joss="">
Here's the full flyer for the show:
Monday, January 13, 2014
Across the Whedonverse
BIG NEWS!!!!!
I will be vending (and enjoying the festivities) at
Across the Whedonverse in LA on February 7th!!
That's right LA folks, this NorCal lass will be making the trek for this
Expect "Captain" Hammer earrings, "Bite Me" Pendant Necklaces and other delectable handmade goodies! I'm so excited and it's just in time for my birthday!!!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Featured in Buffyfest Blog
Happy New Year Everyone! No new jewelry for the moment, but I just wanted to share a part of one of my more recent holiday traditions: The Annual (Buffyfest) Whedonverse Ornament Swap! If you don't know by now, I'm addicted to swapping...even more so when it includes anything Joss Whedon related! Without further ado, here's the recap (I made the Browncoats) :)
2013 Whedonverse Ornament Swap Recap!
Happy New Year everyone! The Holidays are over and 2013 Whedonverse Ornament Swap has ended. Thanks to everyone who participated in this year's swap, our 6th! We saw some awesomely creative and beautiful ornaments this year. Check out a selection of just a few via twitter below...but visit our Flickr group to see hundreds of the swap's ornaments from over the years.www.flickr.com/groups/BuffyfestHolidaySwap/pool
Swappers: Thank you so much for participating! If you haven't yet posted your pictures to the Flickr group page, please do when you get the chance. And see you all next year!
Swapper and long time Buffyfest reader Kaaren created some fantastic Buffy Season 9 Comic themed ornaments and even got them featured on Cakewreck's sister blog Epbot!:
These are my ornaments this year!:
Rain's mini tree choc full o' Whedonverse ornies!:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)